The Weekend That Was

So this past weekend was my annual "Guys Weekend" excursion. This one consisted of Gainesville, a RV, low country boil, Friends, a cabaret, Gator Football, cool Arkansas fans, pizza, and of course way too much drinking.

First things first, this trip was not the same because GF's job prevented him from joining us this year. He was missed.

Day 1: Ant'ny, The Host, Tyler (my nephew), and I got the RV on the road at about 1:30 Friday afternoon. It was a pretty uneventful beginning to the trip. Dumped some poo, got gas and Diet Dew, and listened some DBT. We thought the RV lot didn't open till 6PM so we decided that we should stop at The Cafe. Ummm...normally we are upstanding young men that don't partake in such activities but we had to pass the time somehow. Those that have made the drive to Gainesville know what Cafe I am talking about. There are signs everywhere. Oh and they have Free Trucker Showers. (That will be important later). Well we sit down order some food and drinks and force ourselves to watch the entertainment. We are not there 5 minutes and a young lady comes running out from the "private" area. Right behind her was a young man with a very uneasy confused and embarrassed look on his face. Either he has no shame or he was just so befuddled that he didn’t know what was going on, but he didn't even attempt to cover his........how do you say this nice....man gravy spots all over his shirt. We all start dying laughing. Then all the girls on stage start laughing, one blurts out "Hell yeah I want a dance from that girl". Dude picks up his bill, slowly and quietly makes his way to the door and leaves. Sometime later the victim of his misfortune makes her way out of the restroom and eventually engages us of our willingness to join her in that same private area. We did not, but her approaching us allowed us the opportunity to question her about her very own little "Clinton" incident. She did not want to talk about it but we persisted. She finally opened up and said "you know it happens, but give me a freaking warning". The Host, without missing a beat, says “well you at least you have Free Trucker Showers”. I lost it and couldn't stop laughing. On the road again we finish up the trip and arrive at the RV lot about 5:15. Apparently it opened earlier than the 6PM that we thought, because there are not many spots left. Even still we get a really good one right in the middle of the park. Since I was driving, and couldn't drink because of that, the fact that everyone else was drinking, and I have the mental make-up of a teenager, I began to slam beers in attempt to "catch up". This is never a good idea, which by the way I tell myself every time, and still always do it. Like I said a teenager. Not even done with one beer, I trip coming out the door of the RV with the cooler and break my ankle. Ok I didn't break it but for the rest of the weekend it felt like someone had hit me with a sledge hammer on my foot. This act causes me to think "just drink more and the pain will go away". Like I said teenag......nevermind. After sitting in the RV for like 45 minutes because it was raining, we begin to set up, and drink. Anthony and I walk to the store for some stuff I forgot to pack, which is what I do, and some beer, which is what we drank maybe a keg a piece of this weekend. After we get back I begin cooking. Like I said I forget to pack things so we had no knife, well no cooking utensils at all. So I cut everything with a pair of scissors and stir it with a large metal something that I found in one of the storage things of the RV. I cleaned it! The Host, helping me because I was busy playing beer pong with Anthony and Tyler, lights a towel on fire. You had to be there, but him screaming "FIRE FIRE" while swinging the towel around was freaking hilarious. Even though it sounds like a total cluster F#CK the food was fantastic. Made way too much, so we fed some of the guys who work the RV lot, and gave them some Natty Light. Always be nice to the guys that work where you tailgate! After debating going down to University or staying at the RV and drink. We went to University. So the three of us get dressed, and call a cab. Our cab driver was a very nice young man who hated everyone and everything. "Yes sir where can I take you, and oh by the way the world sucks as does everyone in it". That was not the actual conversation because I was already pretty drunk so I don't remember, but close enough. As I said I was pretty drunk so I don't remember much of the rest of this part of the night. Two of us went to The Swamp and Anthony went...well I don't know where he went. I don't remember how we got home. I imagine by cab. The rest of the night was kinda in and out of coherent thoughts, but I know I was drunk texting and FaceBooking till after 3 AM. I also remember one of us purged his alcohol consumption at some point during that 3 AM time period. Nice beginning to the weekend.

Day 2: It is tradition that The Host wakes us all with a song when staying in the RV. This year Ant'ny and I were both awake before The Host, but still were greeted by song when he woke. If I remember correctly we were serenaded this year with "A Whole New World". I woke at around 7AM. I don't know why so early, but I did. As I cracked a beer Ant'ny went for a 6 mile run. Yes I hate him too. After his return we all got took warm showers, (At least I got that right this year), got dressed, did a shot of Jager (No idea why), loaded up with beer, Captain and a funnel(Again no idea why), and headed to the normal tailgate spot to meet Pauly. When we arrive Pauly is impressively half way done with a handle of Jack. This next part may have been the coolest part of the whole weekend. SEC fans for the most part are cordial and not many are a-holes, but I have never really talked for long with any. The people we met Saturday were the coolest opposing fans I have ever met. Hell they were cooler than most of the UF fans I have ever met. 20, maybe 30 years our senior, and reminded me of what our group will be like when we are their age. We hung at their car for about an hour drinking their hooch and just shooting the sh!t. When it was time to head to University they walked with us and we went to lunch. Truly a great group of people who we got contact information from that I hope we see again. After this we hung at the Jacksonville crews tailgate till it was time to go in. The game was a nightmare with a happy ending if you were a Gator fan. The Gators couldn't seem to do anything right and the game felt so much like the Ole Miss game from the year before. Fortunately they pulled it out in the end with help from my magical talent. Not so magical, I got embarrassingly surly and screamed things that probably made others in our group mad at me. I tend to do that, and no matter what I do, I can't seem to not make an ass out of myself almost every time the game is close. I do this weather drinking or not too. I just get way to into the game and can't handle it. After we went back to the Jacksonville crews tailgate. Honestly I would really like to get into what happened the rest of the night but I don't really remember. I know we stayed at the tailgate for awhile, ate a metric ton of pizza with a couple of pitchers of beer, took a cab back to the RV, and well I don't know. I know we were up at 3 because my FaceBook tells me Danny and I were still going strong, but I don't remember much. Next thing I remember is waking up in the morning with the "I hate not remembering things from the night before" feeling and begin my inevitable self loathing "you are so stupid, what did you do" crap that will take a week to pass. Those feeling don't over power the feeling of I had an awesome time with great friends and the Gators won. What a weekend.

Day 3: Not much to report here. Drove home, stopping at Publix for a sandwich that I devoured in 1.3 seconds and made it home for the first time ever without having to stop and pee. Probably because I was so dehydrated that I had nothing to pee, but I still was proud of myself. The Host and Ant'ny went to Hooters to meet with GF's father. Even after the weekend we had they sat and drank for 8 hours. Their father, some sports stars, Ghandi….just a few of the responses one would get if they were asked to name their heroes. While those might be on my list too, The Host and Ant'ny have now been added near the top of that list. Yes I know my hero criteria may seem a little screwed up, but that is a wondrous accomplishment to me.

Nothing better than hangin with my best friends. Let the countdown start for next years trip.

"Rocky Mountain high, Colorado..."

I apologize for the very lame subject quote to this post. It is late and I am tired. I have been remiss in not posting sooner, but to be quite honest, I am a bit self centered and I have enjoyed Frank's tribute to me being the last post because it effectively illustrates how awesome the times I have with these guys have been . Be that as it may, it is time to get this baby fired back up. As has been eluded to by the other Five Guys, I am have relocated from the T to the D for professional reasons. I will say it is both silly and humbling for someone with my very limited skill set to be so aggressively pursued by a company. They offered large salaries, they acquiesced to preposterous demands, they even sent limos. It ain't been all bad. There was celebration for the opportunity and sadness for leaving family and friends. There was packing, loading, and a cross country drive. Now that it is all said and done, Mrs. GF, Dog, and I are settled in our new city and I have begun my new job. There are a number of things about this city that I am still adjusting to. For one, the sun is 10,000 times more brilliant here than I have ever experienced. I find that I am constantly squinting. Now, the sun is several million miles away from the earth. You wouldn't think that being one mile closer to it would make a difference, but apparently it does. I may turn into one of those douchebags who wears my sunglasses on a strap around my neck. The second thing I have noticed is the startling lack of oxygen. I am a man who enjoys breathing. Whether it is while exercising, grocery shopping, walking up the stairs to bed, or enjoying a beer. My body demands air. This city is populated by robots who apparently can live without breathing. Another unfortunate side effect of the lack of oxygen is dehydration. I have had a headache and skin that looks like pork cracklin' for the past three weeks, and no amount of Gatorade or Jergens seem to help (though Mrs. GF has suggested DRINKING the Gatorade and RUBBING the Jergens). There are many other things that make adjusting to this new place difficult; snow (yeah, already), the lack of friends (I'm used to being popular), missing Tebow's last season in Gainesville, and any number of other things. The coming weeks will be interesting. More to follow.