"Last night I heard a Siren's song, and I followed it in the ditch"

Last week I left for a conference down in Ft. Lauderdale. While I was gone, the Mrs. left for a business trip to California so I returned to an empty house. Being a temporary bachelor, I did what most guys would do in my situation, ate my weight in barbeque and drank most of the bourbon in this fair 'burg. I currently feel bloated and near death. I have drank approximatley 67 liters of water today, so I'm feeling pretty good about my prospects for tomorrow. Fingers crossed that I'll survive being home alone until Sunday.