God, I wish someone would stick me.

About once a quarter Florida Blood Services comes here and we do a big blood drive. I’m a magnanimous kind of guy so I try and give when I can. Well today was just such an occasion so about an hour ago I strolled down there to give a pint. What I got in return was an encounter with the most ridiculously unprofessional team of blood letters I have ever experienced. (It should be noted that I don’t necessarily consider this a bad thing). I first met with a young guy who took all of my information, mumbled like he had mouth full of grits, and said “dude” at least once a sentence. One of the mandatory questions is “Have you been out of the country in the past three years”? Well he perked right on up when I told him I was recently in Cabo for my honeymoon. This prompted him to loudly ask about the quantity of “hot chicks” I saw and the level of my tequila in-take. (Not many and LOTS). When McLovin finally finished up with the questions he passed me along to a big ole Linebacker looking gal who very much resembled Gary Busey. She introduced herself by saying “Whoa, I got a hottie”! Over the course of the 20 minutes it took her to take my blood Busey rubbed my leg and called me “Honey Bunny”, threatened to take my temperature the uncomfortable way, and when confronted with the abysmal Bryan Adams song “Have you ever really loved a woman” on the radio, asked me in a husky, smoker’s brogue, “Why won’t you song this to me”? I may have actually gotten up to leave but there was a needle in my arm and a steady stream of blood flowing into an attached bag. Lest I think this was an isolated incident, the guy at the donation station next to mine was on his cell phone. He said to whomever he was speaking with, “I gotta go, they are getting ready to stick me”. Without missing a beat, the girl taking his blood very audibly proclaimed to no one in particular “god, I wish someone would stick me”. Yep, that’s a true story.