"It ain't true that the sun don't rise in Vegas, I've seen it once"

If this blog were VH-1 then think of this post as VH-1 Classic. This is something I put together last October in anticipation of my Bachelor weekend. It will give anyone reading this a LOT more insight into just who the hell these 5 guys are. I have changed the names to protect the guilty. Without further adoo, the 5 Guys’ Top 10 Vegas Moments:

10. “The Night at MGM”: This one has been the source of much debate over the years. On an overnight trip from L.A. with , , and , Dawn in 1999, I found myself at a blackjack table somewhere in MGM at 3:00 in the morning after the others had gone to bed. At the table with me were 2 guys my age, one of whom was also from Tampa, and an older gentleman. As we played, the three young guys cracked jokes and drank while the older gent just continued to accumulate chips. Some time around 7:00 a.m. he stood up, said “guys it has been a hell of a night”, and pushed a portion of his chips to each of us. Between my winnings and his charity I had around $3,800 at one point. Over the next few hours I would give all but about $700 of that back, but I was having too much fun to get up and leave. Finally I got up, staggered out to the pool (I had been wearing board shorts and a ratty T-Shirt the entire time) and fell asleep for several hours, eventually missing my flight back to L.A.. I used most of what was left of my winnings to buy a walk up ticket on Reno Air. Everyone in my family still clamors to hear “the real story” which, as I’ve mentioned, is told in its entirety above. As a side note, while all this was going on some drunk woman came up and asked me if I was Vince Neil. I can’t even begin to fathom why.

9. “South Strip Day”: While staying at Ceasers for a work conference in February of 2006, I had the opportunity to go exploring one day. At the time I wrote the following about the excursion:
“Today has been epic thus far. Right after I woke up while I was still wiping the sleep from eyes and scratching my balls I got on the phone and closed what could be (potentially) a huge recruit which could mean (potentially) a very, VERY nice payday for me. *Editor’s Note: It was neither*. To celebrate I went on a huge walkabout of the south strip. I got a margarita at a roadside joint and made my way to Hooter's casino. At first glance it is very cool. It looks like a giant Hooter's with full liquor and gambling. What could be better? The plan was to have lunch there but the actual Hooter's restaurant had a line that was about an hour long to get in so I ate at Pete and Shorty's, which also serves as their sports book. The book is hilarious. It is literally a counter in the back corner with two dudes and a dry ink board. After I ate I played some cards and their tables proved to be as unforgiving as I had heard. After I left there I went to the Trop and played some beginners Blackjack at the $5 tables (the only ones I have seen all week). From there I made stops at the Excalibur, Luxor, The Hotel, and Mandalay before making my way to New York, New York (where I had some very nice luck playing with a good ole country boy and a real By God Mexican). Overall I gambled at Paris, Aladdin, Hooters, Trop, Excalibur, Luxor, Mandalay, and NY, NY and finished about even. Along the way I drank about 37 beers, 3 waters, two energy drinks, and a margarita. The weather was perfect. High 60's, slight breeze, and not a could in the sky. I also rode the monorail which is really very cool and economical. Got back to Ceasers in time to shower and shave and head to dinner in about an hour with the guys from my department to celebrate the afore mentioned deal that I closed. Hopefully I'll still be upright in a few hours. The 5 nights here are starting to take a toll. I'm borderline exhausted but with only about 36 hours left I can't let up.

8. “Light”: That very same conference I had a very nice evening at Light, the marquee night club in the Bellagio. Again, I chronicled the evening at the time thusly:
“Tonight I was everything I am not. I was a shot caller. I was a big baller. I suited up. It was most definitly my birfday. It kinda sucked. After taking a couple of my prospects out to a fancy dinner at the Venetian (average entree cost $60), I met up with some friends and went to LIGHT in Bellagio. We bypassed an hour and half wait and a $30 cover because my boy Scotty is the ultimate salesman. He convinced the bouncer that we were supposed to be on JoJo Buldin's list. JoJo is not a real human. Scott made him up.....and got us in and comped. LIGHT is a typical club full of silicon babies and wanabees. I was the best dressed person in the joint because I was still in my suit and looking good. It was a typical club and after a while I got bored with the 12 show girls that were hanging out at our VIP table (no exaggeration) and left. On the way to my room I stopped at a $25 table and played some cards with 3 Associates of my fine firm. After a little up and down at $75 a hand, I took $105 back from the tables making me even (I think) for the trip. I have to give a speech in 7 hours (I think) and I'm not sure how it will go. I also have a basketball game with some big time advisors tomorrow. I'm looking forward to this despite the fact that I have apparently broken my ankle. It is roughly the size of Frank's head and I have no discernable toenails, which I don't think is normal at all. I have no idea how this happened. I would ice both the foot and my head but I have no ice. I have been here for little over a day and it feels like a life time. I love it and am ready to cash out all at once. Tomorrow the real fun begins. I wish at least one of you were here.
*Editor’s Note: In hindsight this was a really great evening and produced some fantastic stories. For Goodness Sake, WE HAD 12 VEGAS SHOWGIRLS AT OUR VIP TABLE!!!*

7. “Everyone OUT of the pool”: March of 2005, a mere 2 days after Frank and I had our run in with Federales and spent time in the Tijuana klink, we found ourselves hanging out with Ant’ny in Vegas. It was Saturday, we were wrecked…the norm. At one point we found ourselves wandering around The Flamingo (not our hotel) and decided to have a swim in their pool despite the chilly temps and lack of other pool patrons. We were quickly asked by hotel security if we didn’t find it a bit queer that we were the only ones swimming in a normally crowded resort pool. The pool, as one would suspect, was closed and they quickly asked us to leave. Upon leaving we discovered a bar that would serve us rum drinks in coconuts carved into the shape of pirate monkeys (awesome). Later that afternoon we spontaneously decided to try and get tickets to a Jimmy Buffett concert that evening, where we drank and danced until such time that I nearly died of exhaustion/alcohol poisoning. Good times.

6. “National Champs”: This past January I was staying at the RIO with my boss and two of my colleagues for a conference. On the second night of the conference our beloved Florida Gators were playing for the National Championship. The four of us laid our money down on the good guys, found a good spot to watch the game, and enjoyed the subsequent route. Not only did I win $230 on the game, but my boss also happens to be a Bull Gator who was in the mood to celebrate when the game ended. We went upstairs and had a steak and lobster dinner, complete with more cocktails and a nice bottle of wine….all on him. By the time we were finished it was the middle of the night and we were all good n’ drunk. A very nice way to celebrate a Championship for our boys.

5. “Bikini Bull Riding”: It was January, it was cold, it was my 7th night in Vegas (3 of which were with some of the knuckleheads on this blog). I was done. We all should have been at that point. But while illness and common sense allowed Pauly and Ant’ny to ignore “I need one good hour from you” speech, I am a sucker for peer pressure and I gave in. We found ourselves at 1:00 a.m. in Gilley’s in the Frontier for Bikini Bull Riding and $1 Busch Beer Drafts. I think at one point I attempted to two step but almost fell down. Later that night, through a strange turn of events, I met Lemmy from Motorhead in an establishment that I have since determined was probably a brothel, though I was unaware of this at the time. As a side note, getting our picture taken under the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign earlier this same evening was also a noteworthy occurrence.

4. “The Run”: My single greatest gambling achievement. It was March of 2003. We had a crew of many, both family and friends, in town for the trip, but this story relates only to Ant’ny and I. Shortly after it happened, I wrote the following:
“….Once back at Harrah's a couple people stopped to eat but Ant'ny and I weren't hungry. I suggested a couple hands of Blackjack while the others ate but he didn't have any money on him, having reached Saturday's spending limit (Always a very good idea to have one of those) *Editor’s Note: This may be the last time Ant’ny exercised this kind of judgment in Vegas*. Being the friend that I am I flipped him a $10 and we sat down. That's when it started, an evening that will forever be known simply as "THE RUN". Over the course of a few hours I won a couple hundred while Ant'ny turned that $10 into $750. It was the hottest table ever. Probably the only bad thing about that night is the face I know Pauly is making right now while reading this. He had looked every where for us, finally giving up and going to bed.

3. “Cards in the Pool”: Way back in our college days Pauly and I were on a week long trip out to California. While staying with he informed us that we would be heading out to Vegas for an overnight trip to celebrate his buddy Kenny’s graduation from the Sherriff’s Academy. The group we ended up with was the four of us and Aussie Mark. The next day we headed over to the pool at Tropicana where we were able to secure an in pool Blackjack table. *Editor’s Note: Several years later Ant’ny would get peed on at this very same table*. Despite being under age at the time, we played and drank for most of the afternoon, taking breaks only to use the restroom or so that could swim across the pool and propose to a young lady who looked particularly nice in a bikini. Probably made all the better by the fact that two of us were under age and had already been tossed from several establishments. More to come on that. After we finished, we threw some clothes on over our bathing suits, grabbed some food at the buffet (Aussie Mark: “look at the size of those F’ing carrots”! Pauly: “those are yams”), and went to the airport to fly home.

2. “Ridin’ With the Russian”: What can you even say about that cab ride. From the driver’s opening epithet of “F’ing Vegas” to his polishing off of beer as we pulled into the hotel, it was one of the craziest, scariest, most memorable 10 minutes of my life. I know that one day many years from now, the hidden video will surface, but I don’t need it. I remember every single thing about our run in with the drunken, maniacal, Bella Carosi looking cabbie.

1. “My Very First Time”: While I had been to Vegas once when I was 16 (I was abandoned by in Circus, Circus while he went to play cards), there was no way I was getting away with anything at that age. So I really consider my first trip to be the setup described in number 3. I was still a good 4 months shy of my 21st birthday but thought I would take my chances. Right after dinner Pauly and I were able to get away with a few hands of blackjack at the Hard Rock, before they politely asked us to leave. Later that evening we were able to worm our way into The Beach Club, which was a very loud club with lots of people and bikini clad bartenders. After some time, I lost the group and decided to head back to The Sahara, where we were staying, on my own. I sidled up to a $5 blackjack table and had a seat. As I continued to play (and win), I kept waiting for someone to come check my ID. I sat there for hours. stopped by at one point and encouraged me to hang it up, but I just kept going. The rush was too strong. I was underage, drinking, and gambling at a Las Vegas casino. Finally, at one point late in the evening a pit boss came over and asked to see my ID. When I could not produce it, he asked me to leave the table. So I did, and walked right over to the other side of the casino and started playing again. Vegas. What else can you say.