When It All Ends...I Mean It All

Lately I have been thinking a lot about mortality. Not necessarily my own, just the idea in general.

See, I am not a religious man...at all. I won't go so far as to say I don't believe in God and for the most part I subscribe to judeo-christian values (though I don't hold others to that). Some of those values are a little too heavy-handed for me and most of those are what I think are misinterpretations of the Bible to begin with. I do drink. I don't dance (not for religious reasons) and I have cavorted about in my time as well. Anyway, I'm getting a little off topic.

The issue for me is, is there really something when it all ends? I find it somewhat amusing that there is no other work of literature from any time period people take as literally as the Bible. We don't read Homer and think it's real. We don't read Beowulf and think it actually happened. Don't get me started on that Jabberwocky poem and I know that people didn't really come and go in the room speaking of Michelangelo. It all means something to the author and the reader can pull certain things from them and get from the text what they may. The experience of each reader being slightly different than another. That's why I think religion is mortally flawed. Religions are created by man (who is flawed) so they are inherently hokey from their inception. In addition, it would mean that every person who subscribes to said religion must either really believe that stuff exactly the same way as the dude next to them, or they just blindly follow because it's easier and makes them happy.

Now, I will be the first to say that if sitting up front, singing Amazing Grace and uttering some well placed "amens" is your cup of tea, fine. If living everyday in fear of some judgment that may or may not come makes you happy (seems counter-intuitive) then go ahead. Just don't look at me and say I am going to hell. The way I look at it, one of the religions could be right and the rest of the world could be damned. It's a 50-50 shot. But, I don't choose to look at it that way. The way I see it, some kind of combination of Protestant, Hindu, Catholic, Buddhist, Davidian, Jonestownian, Kabballah, Judaism, Shinto, and so forth is probably the right answer. Because, really, they all have some redeeming thoughts...it's just the entirety of their individual dogmas that are ridiculous.

Getting to the point I was driving to before my train took a turn to Whatever Town...both of my grandparents just died within 40 days of each other. They spent their whole lives as strict Southern Baptists and they truly believed the real reward would be in Heaven. After my grandfather died, there was nowhere my grandmother wanted to be more than there with Him and him. I believe she willed herself to die and it happened. So, I hope they were right. If not, at least they got some comfort from the thought while they were here on Earth.

For me, it's not a good fit. I know lots of people will say that having this feeling allows me to live a life with no consequence; never fearing for the destiny of my soul. I say, it's my soul and it's a chance I am willing to take. Let's face it, it's pretty far fetched that lightning really etched some commandments on stone, or that a burning bush spoke to someone, or that the Red Sea really parted. I think Jesus was a real man, but I am not sure about the fishes and loaves. What I mean is, maybe it's all just metaphorical. Like I said, no other work from that time would be accepted at face value and believed to be literally true in every word. And if all that happened, why has it never happened again since the book was published? People do the "Lord's work" everyday and I will give them all credit for the good they do in people's lives. But, I don't think for a second that any one of them has secured a better place somewhere because their lives took on a different tenor than that of others. Of course Catholics don't agree, otherwise they wouldn't have Saints.

Anyway, what I do know is in the end we threw their whole lives into a 20 yard dumpster and it was depressing as hell. I have now buried three of the closest people to me in my life with only my father and sister left to follow. Not only am I not rushing them, I am hoping it doesn't happen. Because regardless if there is a "better place" I would just as soon have them back.