“Simplify, testify, identify, rectify, and if I get high stop being so uptight”

This morning as I sat on the couch, watching the news and having my morning jolt of caffeine, I saw two stories back to back that were so absurd they warranted mentioning and ridiculing.
The first was about New York Governor David Patterson and his objection to a (unbelievably hysterical) skit on last weekend’s Saturday Night Live that lampooned him quite nicely. Fred Armisen’s impression was dead on and while it may not have portrayed Patterson himself in the most positive light, little of that had to do with the fact that he is blind. The show made no intention to show a direct link between blindness and incompetence, it was simply pointing out that those are two traits that he posses. These are the facts: when you are a minority Governor of a state as prominent as New York, who was never elected but rather appointed when the previous “holier than though” Gov. was busted for whoremongering, who also has a well documented affinity for cocaine…..well you need to expect that you are going to fall under some scrutiny regardless of whether you can see or not.
The second story is even more ludicrous as it documented the most appropriate way to greet people during this holiday season. An “expert” was brought on to discuss the relative merits of holiday themed salutations such as “Merry Christmas”, “Happy Holidays”, “Season’s Greetings”, etc… He further pointed out that some folks may take exception to a greeting like “Merry Christmas” because they may celebrate a different holiday like Chanukah or they may celebrate Christmas for secular reasons. Well two points here, 1. regardless of religious affiliation, if you celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ for “secular reasons” you are either a hypocrite or an idiot. Those are really the only two options. And 2. If you are the type of person who is in anyway offended or disrespected by a seasonal salutation than you, my friend, take yourself way too seriously and really need to dial it down a notch. I am not a Jewish man, but were you to throw a “Happy Chanukah” at me you would get a cheerful “Shalom” right back. We really, as a society, need to be just a bit more tolerant and stop being so uptight about every little thing.
So the next time that you are working your Harrumph up over something stupid (and trust me, whatever it is, I promise you it is stupid) take a deep breath, pour a cup of cheer, and just relax. It’s all good.