One of things I have been burning on lately is the shit that seems to happen on the road all the time these days. There are also a lot of things people do with their vehicles I just don't get. For the most part, I'm a pretty sedate guy...but some things just get you boiling. In no particular order some things that need to be pointed out:
- If you are on the Interstate and driving the exact same speed as the car next to you, get the hell behind of, or in front of, that car and quit blocking the whole road for Chrissakes. Actually, this goes for any multi-lane road now that I think about it.
- If you have a green light and the line of traffic is moving, do not even consider stopping to let someone turn out of a parking lot. That is the responsibility of the people coming up behind you who will be stopping when the light turns red. This kills me every time.
- Speaking of, don't sit at a stop sign and wave me through before you when you are supposed to go next. Just follow the established procedure of going when it is your turn in order of when you stopped. If everyone would do this there wouldn't be a reason to wave anyone through. You aren't being magnanimous, you are being a jackass.
- If you can't park it, don't f-ing drive it. Got that soccer mom who backs up and pulls in 33 times in a parking lot?
- If you have to wait more than 7.2 seconds for someone to vacate a parking spot, don't sit there and wait. Seriously, chances are you are the type of person (read: fatass) that needs the extra walk anyway. I was in a local establishment the other day and I parked, ran in got my stuff, paid and came out in time to pass the people waiting for a spot finally on their way in. Wanted to say something...didn't. So now I am... I hate you.
- I don't care what sport your kid plays, what his number is or what the name of the team is. Your vehicle is not a marketing tool for Junior's inconsequential accomplishments. If I was more of a jerk, I would recommend you get a life of your own. But I am not, so just stop doing it.
- Speaking of, if you have one of those stickers on the back of your car that is like a row of paper dolls representing your family, you are a loser. End of discussion. If yours happens to be the one with Mickey Mouse ears on each person including the little cat and dog, you are a hopeless loser. Again, I would say get a life of your own but that ship has clearly sailed.
- The election is over, remove the stickers.
- It rains 180 days a year in Florida, how in the hell can people still not drive in it?
- Those rims looked a lot cooler on the wall than they do on your car. Consequently, your car was much cooler before you got in it.
- Hitch nuts are almost the dumbest thing ever. The only thing worse is the owner of the vehicle.
Well, I think that about covers it. I welcome any additions.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I drive a Fusion and I can't park it but that is because I'm half an invalid, not a soccer mom.
I drive a Fusion and I can't park it but that is because I'm half an invalid, not a soccer mom.
For NY'ers specifically...right hand turns should be made from the right hand lane and vice versa for the left...that's not just some non-sensical tradition we Americans have...it's kind of the law. And did you really call yourself mild mannered?
Post a Comment